Anxiety and Me

We are so honored to have an awesome guest blogger this week! His name is Jay Cator… He blogs about a lot of interesting subjects. I asked him to share his journey with anxiety, with us! I absolutely love this blog, and I hope you do as well! Check out his contact information at the end of the blog! Please give him a follow and show support. Thanks for reading 💜

 

 

Anxiety, a word I have only ever heard at a distance. I never knew what it meant or how it effected people. I’ve always been different to others around me. Ever since I was a late teen, I over thought everything, even to the point where I would cancel plans to stay at home, in my safe place. I worry about every situation, by far my biggest flaw. I have always thought negative of myself and when certain scenarios popped up that could effect my life, the negative always won. I faced rejection constantly. I always shake at confrontation and avoided any situation that could lead me to the slightest harm.

Relationships and friendships followed in similar pattern. Dating I would face rejection at the first hurdle, bad first dates and hate. When I successfully find someone, I was felt like I was not good enough. Like they could do better, have someone who would give them a better life. I would worry constantly. Friends would come and go. The ones who leave I would never hear from again. Used for my kindness and care, it something I got used to.

My world change however when I met my last partner, someone who had anxiety and suddenly I understood. She opened my eyes to what anxiety was. I looked it up and spoke to a doctor and boom. Everything I thought was just me, a character flaw, was all explained. Unfortunately we split recently, more a break as we deal with various issues. But without her I would still be thinking, “why am I so different?” It all made sense. Why I have been, who I have been, has been explained.

I have always had ways of stopping me thinking, stop me worrying about every situation. I would play Xbox, using them to zone myself out into a different world. If that didn’t work, I sit in the corner, headphones in listening to my favourite songs. More recently, I have started writing, which has lead to my blog. Seeing people reading what I have to say and positivity has helped me massively recently. I start to feel I can achieve something, I’m not a failure, I can get better. I also find that following my favourite sports helps.

I have some really close friends that have helped me all these years and I feel very lucky that they are all still there. They all support me in different ways. My family are also a big support for me. I have love around me. I am truly lucky to have this support network, that will never be underestimated.

My biggest advice? Every day is different, so take life as it is every day. Find what comforts you, no matter how big or how small. When you get a victory, no matter how small, celebrate it. Shout it out to the world.

Thank you AwesomismMom for inviting me to write about me. I am honoured. Thank you all for taking the time to read.

Please follow and support Jay!

Blog: http://beardedigor.wordpress.com

Twitter: @stealthemgaming

Green Mason Jars & Father’s Day

Several years ago I was having a really bad day…woke up with a migraine, was tired, grumpy and stressed. Mark suggested I go and get a massage. I happily agreed. I find massage is a real help for my migraines…Mark drove me to the massage therapist and dropped me off. While I was getting a massage he decided to go run some errands. An hour later, he picked me up, after he asked me how I felt, he handed me a box. I opened it and to my delightful surprise was a set of green mason jars. To most this doesn’t seem like that awesome of a gift, but to me it was. I love mason jars and had told him how pretty I thought the green mason jars were. I was so excited he bought me them. You see it was the fact he listens, and no matter how small the gesture, he makes my world better. His ability to make me smile and laugh is awesome. They say to truly enjoy life, you need to truly enjoy the little things. I believe this and have really come to realize this even more since becoming the parent of an autistic teen. Mark has a lot of patience, and is a very calm person. This is very helpful having 4 kids, with one being autistic, I am used to a lot swirling around me.

Mark brings calmness, happiness and love to me and my kids. He is beyond an awesome stepdad. It’s so touching to me how much all 4 of my kids love him. I look at his relationship with Peyton and I can’t express how thankful I am he is in his life. He teaches Peyton not only with his words, but with his actions. He explains things to Peyton in a manner that Peyton not only understands, but he also teaches Peyton. I tell Mark almost daily one of the things I love best about him is how much he makes me laugh. The truth is though, it’s not only how much he makes me laugh, but how much he makes my kids laugh, especially Peyton. Mark likes to tease and banter,but he does it in a sweet and caring way. Peyton enjoys his funny quips and it really warms my heart to see Peyton laugh. Mark is an awesome cook as well and one of his specialities is pizza, which just also happens to be Peyton’s favorite food! I love seeing Peyton light up when he sees Mark is going to be making Pizza. I also enjoy sending pictures of his kolaches, pizza, brisket, cinnamon rolls etc… To my older kids as they too can’t get enough of his cooking! 

Tonight Mark made calzones and pizza, both were awesome! I used my green mason jar as my water glass, as I often do. I couldn’t help but think as I watched Peyton light up that Mark was making his favorite food, and I was using my green jar…..just how lucky we are to have such an awesome man in our lives. So if it truly is the little things in life that make you happiest, I am ecstatic . Mark’s  everyday acts of kindness and love don’t go unnoticed. So as I write this and drink my water from my green jar, I hope Mark knows just how much we all love him, and how saying Happy Father’s Day may just be a small thing..but it’s filled with lots of love and just like my green jars..it may be a small gesture,but it means the world to be able to say “Happy FATHER’s Day” to him.