Why my GAD is my Monday Motivation

I still remember the day that I was diagnosed with GAD… (General Anxiety Disorder) I was going through a really rough time in my life… An ugly divorce, a very contentious custody battle, and so much more.

I was slipping into a really deep depression…  I knew I needed to get out of it,not only for myself, but most of all for my children. My children lived with me,and I was the primary caregiver, as well as provider.

I went to see my physician, and the first words out of her mouth were you have GAD. I really wasn’t very familiar with it at the time… But she knew it as soon as I described how I was feeling, and what I was going through.

The funny thing about it was…. as soon as she told me my diagnosis… I immediately  started to feel better. Part of the reason for that was… Someone actually listened and believed me!

I hadn’t shared with too many people how depressed I was. But a couple of them that I had shared it with told me “you’ll be fine… You’re just going through a rough patch, don’t dwell on it.”

I kept thinking to myself… I’m not dwelling on it by choice, I can’t seem to get past it. I would pace at night from Anxiety, and then be tired all day, which would cause even more anxiety.

I was in a vicious cycle and I didn’t know how to get out of it! My depression and my anxiety got worse and worse.

My doctor prescribed Lexapro… I felt better right away… Not because it really did that big of a difference… But because I knew I was on the road to getting better.

I also knew, that I wasn’t going to stay on the Lexapro. I wanted to be able to deal with my GAD through lifestyle changes.

I found a counselor… Who specialized in GAD, I told her I don’t want to stay on meds, I want to do this by lifestyle change. She was absolutely wonderful… And she helped me through this horrible time, and taught me so much.

When Peyton talk to me about and a few ideas he had for https://teamawesomism.com/…I absolutely loved the idea. For several reasons, but most of all because we were going to be creating a virtual community that actually listens and cares!

This really personally hit home for me a couple months ago… I was speaking with someone who was “mentoring me“… When I brought it up with him that I had GAD… he proceeded to inform me that it was “all in my head”.

While I don’t disagree with him on the surface …that it really is in my head… 😂😂… I found it to be very disrespectful. He told me people look for excuses for not doing things. At first I thought about going through my entire history, and thr fact that I was actually diagnosed with it, but then realized he didn’t care.

At first, I felt like I did years ago… And then I decided I actually feel sorry for him… And I hope no one close to him is dealing with serious stress and anxiety… I also became more motivated to be a voice for GAD .

Dismissing people‘s fears and anxieties, stresses and hurts is easy… Helping people with them is fulfilling. I’ve chosen to be there for others.

I decided to use his negative energy and turn it around…..My GAD is my Monday motivation!

Peyton’s Inspirational Sign

The other day Peyton got this Inspire sign: he really loves it.  I was looking at it and realized the words on it, really described Peyton! He’s such an amazing and inspiring young man. I especially love the second part of the description… (2) “To awaken a particular feeling in somebody”.

He inspires, awakens etc… love, strength, patience, goals, effort, enthusiasm etc…. The best part of it is, he doesn’t even realize how much he inspires others.

I’ve said this many times in my blogs, how sweet he is. He really has a sweet heart and genuinely cares about others. He worries about others with such a pure and open heart. He doesn’t enter a “relationship” with preconceived ideas, thoughts or views. He takes everyone at face value.

I envy that about him, I wish I had that kind of trust and positive vulnerability … meaning he allows people to show him who they are, without deciding who they are. This isn’t to say he likes everyone… rather that he gives you the opportunity to be his friend. He’s optimistic that you are who you present yourself as . When he cares, he cares with a full and open heart.

It goes without saying that Peyton is the inspiration behind AwesomismMom…but even deeper than that … He’s the inspiration for “Team Awesomism Turning Autism into Awesomism” I’ve told him for years.. he has Awesomism not Autism. He’s the special one.. the rest of us in the family are “the same”  While we all know we are all individuals, Peyton is extremely special to us in so many positive ways.

I love watching Peyton when he’s in situations he feels comfortable in, like his Prom. He’s so happy, calm and engaged. He enjoys companionship, especially with others who take the time to connect with him.

He’s getting better about feeling comfortable in all settings. I’ve watched him go from a  shy, insecure, scared kid to someone who actually wants to go outside his “comfort zone”

The last 8 months have been a roller coaster… I’ve had some serious health issues. In the past Peyton would have stressed nonstop. Instead he faced the  situation at hand and dealt with it! We are so proud of him.

I’ve been stressing about our new project… “Team Awesomism Turning Autism into Awesomism” I sat down with him the other day with a LONG to do list. I asked him to look at it and tell me what he thought he could help me with, because I was feeling overwhelmed. He looked at me and said “ If we want to do this project, then we have to do this whole list, right?”

Remember (2): to awaken a particular feeling in somebody?

Peyton woke my feelings of strength, goals, determination, perseverance, drive……..I realized if Peyton doesn’t see obstacles then why should I? I’ve been so busy feeling overwhelmed and stressed about everything I HAVE to do for this project…. I forgot my own rule.. walk then run.

Peyton is right we have to get it ALL done, so instead of just having an overwhelming “To Do” list I need to have a To Do list … set by priorities.

Thank you Peyton… for once again being my inspiration….. You are a wonderful example of “Turning Autism into Awesomism” 💙

Watch for my next blog…. about our new and awesome project!! I think you will really be inspired. In the meantime here is Peyton’s twitter @PeytonAwesomism his Instagram PeytonsYearofAwesomism and his Flipboard ( which is his favorite) 😎 http://Check out my Flipboard magazine, Peyton’s Year Of Awesomism http://flip.it/KbJKTd