Red-Angry Blue-Sad

We are so honored to have an amazing blogger as our guest blogger this week! She’s an amazing mom… Who openly discusses her life. My hope is that after you read her blog… You come away with the same emotions/thoughts  that I did.. we need more mental health help!!! People need to stop talking and start doing.. this is not a political issue, this is a human issue! Please check out her other blogs here http://thoughtswithn.blogspot.com/

Also, We have her books for sale on our website https://teamawesomism.com/

 

I remember the day that I saw a piece of work completed by my oldest son. He was 6 at the time. His class was learning about emotions, and had them associated with colors. The piece of paper asked them to identify the 2 emotions they most commonly feel, and draw it in the associated color. His was Red – Angry, and Blue- Sad.

 

I remember the tears that sprung to my eyes. The feeling of failure I felt. My little boy was always angry at this point.

 

I had always struggled with him, since the beginning, but now it was at a new high. The Police were now involved, as he had begun threatening his baby sister.

 

Oh, and I was 6 months pregnant. I had high blood pressure, so I was supposed to be relaxing.

 

There, in front of me lay the evidence of the state of my sons mental health. He was so angry, and so sad. He didn`t know what to say, or how to say it, so his anger dragged on, day after day.

 

This was such a hard time for all of us. I have scars on me from his intense temper, and I am pretty sure my daughter is emotionally scarred.

 

Despite struggling for so many years, and trying to get him help, I had failed. The counsellor agreed that this paper was slightly alarming for a little boy, and sent off the papers for a Psychiatric Assessment.

 

We waited.

 

We waited.

 

Months and months went by. While my son struggled.

 

So many days I just wanted to run away and disappear. I questioned my capabilities of being a mother. I questioned how I was going to raise another boy. I have never in my life felt so lost as what I did at this time.

 

To be honest, I am not even sure how we all made it through. Maybe it is just the power of love. I one day told my son very clearly, I know you are angry, and I will be here whenever you are ready to talk, but there is not anything you can do to me to make me stop loving you, or to make me give up on you. You are my son.

 

We got the call for the assessment a year after the referral was placed. A YEAR. A family in a crisis situation, and such a sad and confused little boy.

 

We declined the assessment at this point, because he had already been through three and he was tired of doing it. No one saw what we saw. His intense temper. His neediness for everything to be a very specific way. His amazing abilities with numbers, and recognizing patterns. No one saw it. They always just told us, he is a very bright boy.

 

I decided, rather than trying to change him, I was going to accept him. Accept him exactly how he is.

 

He is almost 8 now. I can`t believe so much time has passed since my feelings of hopelessness. He is in Grade 2 and an intense math whiz. He still struggles with his temper, but he is far less violent.

 

Now he talks to me. He tells me what is wrong. Then we can figure out how to fix it.

 

You may not always be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I sure didn`t when I was locked in my room, trying to protect the baby in my belly, and my 1 year old daughter. I could not see any light in my life what so ever. I wanted to run away.

 

The light is there. It will shine.

 

Love

N 💜

Wednesday Woman

Several months ago I put a blog out talking about how I was going to blog four times a week… I haven’t done very well with that at all. I’m sorry!

I could give excuses, and give reasons why I haven’t, but at the end of the day I just really haven’t done it and I need to be better at it.

One of my biggest shortcomings is I tend to put things off,and then I frantically try to catch up all at once… This doesn’t work well… Especially with my GAD, general anxiety disorder.

I have often wondered if I do this because of my  GAD, or if it’s just a serious personality flaw, and it makes my GAD worse. However; lately I’ve come to the realization that it doesn’t matter… chicken or egg.. I need to be better organized! I need to follow through on things at the time.

Right now I’m juggling 1000 things… Being the wife of an oil guy… Who comes and goes and works many hours… Mind you,I’m not complaining I think I have the best husband in the world!

I’m a mother of four…that alone keeps me busy! 😁 And I wouldn’t have it any other way, I absolutely love and adore my children. Three of my children are adults, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t  in my life any less.

I always find it amusing when people say to me “but your kids are adults… What do you mean they take up your time?”  It’s as if because they are adults… They’re no longer in my life!  🤦‍♀️ Of course is usually comes from people who never had children.

If you’ve been following my blog you’ve also seen that I started doing a Soothing  Sunday Blog … Where I talk about what I do to decompress and destress. It’s essential that I do!.

My Wednesday woman blog is going to be more geared towards being a mom, a mom of a special needs teen, a mompreneur, a momblogger, a wife and most importantly a woman.

I know how important it is for me to take care of myself so that I am here for everyone else. I also know it’s extremely important for me to take care of myself for me!

My Wednesday woman blogs are going to be about how I juggle all the different aspects of my life, and still allow time for me! These are not meant to be instructional, rather more personal tips that work for me. They may or may not work for you, as we are all different.

I decided to start sharing this because I’ve had people say to me, how do you do at all? I always have the same response… I didn’t know I had any other option. I know I’m far from the only woman who feels this way every day.

Women come in all shapes, sizes, colors, religions ethnicity’s etc. etc. women also have many different views. I find it somewhat disingenuous when women say that they are for women but disrespect women who disagree with them. Be it on politics, careers/stay at home, Homeschooling, married, single  etc. etc.

I truly hope you join me on this journey of Wednesday Woman blogs! As always thanks for reading my blog… Your support means a lot to me! I hope you get something from my experiences!  that can maybe help you with yours!

Please check out Peyton‘s website https://teamawesomism.com/

Hugs 🤗  and have an awesome day!

 

His Perspective

Today I had a long overdue phone call with a dear friend. We’ve been promising to talk for months, only to have life get in the way. We’ve been “catching up “ via text which really isn’t catching up.. it’s more like bullet points of an essay. One thing I really adore about him is we can pick right up where we left off and never feel like there was a “break”. I’ve known him for sometime and have always really enjoyed him. He’s very smart, extremely funny.. I’ve been in tears many times from laughter while talking with him. He is very straight forward, but one of the nicest guys you’ll ever know. I really enjoy my conversations with him because I vent, laugh, cry and learn and come away feeling better about so many things. He’s a world traveler and brings a perspective that I don’t always get elsewhere.

I love having a variety of friends who bring different life experiences and perspectives to our friendship. This friendship brings me both that I don’t get elsewhere and I deeply value that. While he doesn’t have children, he has extended family members who are autistic,and he is directly involved in their lives, so he can add thoughts, views and ideas that I don’t get elsewhere. He sees the “forest through the trees” but brings it having a direct connection to Autism.

Todays conversation didn’t disappoint, we not only caught up, we made plans for the future. There are times I feel like I’ve hit a wall with AwesomismMom, not that I can’t break down those walls.. but I need  a “sledgehammer perspective” from others who aren’t necessarily directly involved. It’s nice to get feedback on my blogs, thoughts, goals and direction for AwesomismMom. He was very encouraging today, as well as brought some awesome thoughts. I enjoyed hearing his perspective not only on my blogs, but also on how he sees the other side, from many of us who live every day with an autistic child. I think sometimes I get so caught up in the day to day of AwesomismMom and trying to make a positive impact, I tend to overlook ideas that can bring about my end goal. My ultimate dream is to be a positive network in many ways for autistic teens and adults. I have a plan… although I don’t share it with many… I work every day to achieve the goals I have set. I go through many ideas daily to help me try to achieve mine and Peyton goal of Turning Autism into Awesomism. I know what my end goal is… what I struggle with is how to get there. My conversation today was awesome because he doesn’t offer advice how to get there… he offers perspectives on why my end goal is so important.

I came away from our call energetic, as well a new vision of how I need to achieve my end goal.  Friendships are give and take and sometimes the person doing the giving may not even realize how much they actually gave. I know my friend reads my blog and I know when he reads this he will realize this is about him. I’m thankful for his friendship, but more importantly I’m thankful for his perspective! Sending him a big hug!