Red-Angry Blue-Sad

We are so honored to have an amazing blogger as our guest blogger this week! She’s an amazing mom… Who openly discusses her life. My hope is that after you read her blog… You come away with the same emotions/thoughts  that I did.. we need more mental health help!!! People need to stop talking and start doing.. this is not a political issue, this is a human issue! Please check out her other blogs here http://thoughtswithn.blogspot.com/

Also, We have her books for sale on our website https://teamawesomism.com/

 

I remember the day that I saw a piece of work completed by my oldest son. He was 6 at the time. His class was learning about emotions, and had them associated with colors. The piece of paper asked them to identify the 2 emotions they most commonly feel, and draw it in the associated color. His was Red – Angry, and Blue- Sad.

 

I remember the tears that sprung to my eyes. The feeling of failure I felt. My little boy was always angry at this point.

 

I had always struggled with him, since the beginning, but now it was at a new high. The Police were now involved, as he had begun threatening his baby sister.

 

Oh, and I was 6 months pregnant. I had high blood pressure, so I was supposed to be relaxing.

 

There, in front of me lay the evidence of the state of my sons mental health. He was so angry, and so sad. He didn`t know what to say, or how to say it, so his anger dragged on, day after day.

 

This was such a hard time for all of us. I have scars on me from his intense temper, and I am pretty sure my daughter is emotionally scarred.

 

Despite struggling for so many years, and trying to get him help, I had failed. The counsellor agreed that this paper was slightly alarming for a little boy, and sent off the papers for a Psychiatric Assessment.

 

We waited.

 

We waited.

 

Months and months went by. While my son struggled.

 

So many days I just wanted to run away and disappear. I questioned my capabilities of being a mother. I questioned how I was going to raise another boy. I have never in my life felt so lost as what I did at this time.

 

To be honest, I am not even sure how we all made it through. Maybe it is just the power of love. I one day told my son very clearly, I know you are angry, and I will be here whenever you are ready to talk, but there is not anything you can do to me to make me stop loving you, or to make me give up on you. You are my son.

 

We got the call for the assessment a year after the referral was placed. A YEAR. A family in a crisis situation, and such a sad and confused little boy.

 

We declined the assessment at this point, because he had already been through three and he was tired of doing it. No one saw what we saw. His intense temper. His neediness for everything to be a very specific way. His amazing abilities with numbers, and recognizing patterns. No one saw it. They always just told us, he is a very bright boy.

 

I decided, rather than trying to change him, I was going to accept him. Accept him exactly how he is.

 

He is almost 8 now. I can`t believe so much time has passed since my feelings of hopelessness. He is in Grade 2 and an intense math whiz. He still struggles with his temper, but he is far less violent.

 

Now he talks to me. He tells me what is wrong. Then we can figure out how to fix it.

 

You may not always be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I sure didn`t when I was locked in my room, trying to protect the baby in my belly, and my 1 year old daughter. I could not see any light in my life what so ever. I wanted to run away.

 

The light is there. It will shine.

 

Love

N 💜

The Unconditional Love of a shelter dog

Both Mark and I love animals…so when my third child started working at the local animal shelter, I knew we would end up adopting at least one animal! I have always had pets of one kind or another….as a kid I had gerbils, dogs etc….

At one point or another…when my older kids were younger we went from dogs to cats …..we always seemed to have a pet around.

I loved having dogs and cats and that rubbed off on my kids. My third child has a real passion for animals and has the perfect temperament for the career he has chosen.

The first dog that we adopted from the shelter, was Tex. I absolutely loved Tex from the first day I saw him. He’s a Bernese Mountain dog mix, and has the sweetest temperament of any dog I’ve ever had.

Tex was young when we got him, he had been neglected and abused. It broke my heart! I remember seeing him in the cage at the shelter, his eyes looked at me and said “please help me!”

We didn’t take him the first time we saw him. When we went back the next day to get him, someone was adopting him. It broke my heart. 💔

I really didn’t feel like adopting a dog that day, because I really want Tex. So my husband and I decided to go back the next day. Guess who was there?!? Yes, TEX!

The people had returned him, and this was Tex’s  third return so he wasn’t long for the shelter, if you know what I mean. There was no way I was going to allow that to happen.

Needless to say, Tex came home with us that day, and has been a very loved member of our family ever since!

Tex has been with us now for over four years,  I never regret getting him from the shelter! He’s such a good dog and so loving.

When Peyton was young he was scared to death of dogs. He would have a meltdown if a dog came to close to him. It wasn’t until about six and a half, seven years ago that he started to actually not be afraid of dogs.

When we first brought Tex home I could tell he was a little afraid of him, partially because Tex is such a big dog. Thank goodness Tex has such an easy-going disposition.

As the years went by Peyton became more and more attached to Tex……And it’s so cute to see them now such big buddies!

Peyton feeds Tex, walks him and is his basic caregiver. It was so cute when Peyton would be doing his schoolwork, Tex would be laying by him on the floor.

What I love most, seeing how Peyton went from being so scared of dogs, that he would have meltdowns… to him having Tex as his  emotional support  dog.

I’ve so often thought about the day at the shelter, when Tex looked at me almost to say help me… And smile and think how much he helped us. His unconditional love for Peyton, and Peyton’s unconditional love for him is such an awesome thing!

Never underestimate the love of a shelter dog! Please visit your local animal shelter,  there are so many animals waiting to be loved, but more importantly to love you unconditionally!

Adopt Don’t Shop!

https://www.aspca.org/

http://www.humanesociety.org/

 

 

Blessed Easter Weekend

Have a beautiful Good Friday and a Very Blessed Easter Weekend! There is nothing more beautiful than Unconditional Love! Let’s vow to spread Love to Everyone!

Que Sera Sera

Mark and I recently got rid of direct TV and got xfinity… one of main reasons I wanted to switch to xfinity is their classic TV channels. I love Classic TV shows. There are only a few things that make me happier than laying in bed relaxing and watching classic TV shows and movies. Last Sunday we had it installed, I was super excited! I couldn’t wait to watch METV & Antenna TV. I had it all planned how I was going to watch Hazel, My Three Sons, Donna Reed, Andy Griffith and more! As we explored the channels Mark came across one I hadn’t heard of, Decades TV. We looked at the guide and saw all the awesome classic shows! I was beside myself happy! I am going to have 3 channels I exclaimed! Last weekend they were having a Mary Tyler Moore  marathon. Then I saw an ad for what this weekends marathon was…. DORIS DAY!! I was beyond happy. I have always loved Doris Day. She is beautiful, classy, feminine but strong. She had her own identity and kept to it. In my opinion that is true strength! She to me is the definition what a strong woman truly is. I loved how she dressed, I even “mimicked” her style. Her love of animals showed me her passion to help others. The thought of 24 hours straight of Doris Day show  had me ecstatic. I was in the same room as her once, but didn’t have the ability to meet her. I’m still sad about that. 

There are so many things that come to mind when you think about Doris Day, but one of the most popular is the song Que Sera Sera! It’s the theme song of her show, as well as in the Hitchcock movie.. “Man who knew too much”.I love that song… The lyrics are very fitting to my life these days. When I was younger I had so many ideas where and how my life was headed. Even after I had my older three kids, I still had a “plan”. Once I had Peyton that changed. My plans were no longer important. What became important to me was Peyton and how I was and am going to do whatever I can to make his life the best it can be. I learned that plans aren’t what Peyton needs.. he needs flexibility, goals, love, Understanding and support. Each day can be a different challenge, and how we deal with those challenges also is important. While it’s true Peyton needs a certain amount of consistency and stability, he also needs me to stress less and stay calm. Mark always tells me stressing over what I can’t control does no one any good, least of all Peyton. I know he’s right and I’m working on it. I love Peyton with every fiber of my being and just want what’s best for him. I know in my head that a calm and destressed me is much better for him, than a worrier.

As I lay in my bed, this overcast Sunday, watching Doris Day and writing this blog… I’m making a promise to myself that the next time I get so stressed, I’m going to sing to myself “Que Sera Sera” because even though it’s just a song.. there is so much truth in “what will be, will be” thank you  Doris Day for once again showing me what a strong woman is!

Rainy days and Mondays

 

The last few weeks we have been having a lot rain and stormy weather. I have a love/hate relationship with rain! When I have a ton of work to do that requires concentration, I love rainy days. It forces me to hunker down and get things done. If it’s beautiful out, I think of a million reasons why I can’t sit and take care of what I need. I also love rainy days when I don’t feel well. It’s as if I can justify sleeping all day, watching classic tv and cuddling under the covers. On the opposite side, I hate, fear storms. I’ve always been afraid of storms, as a kid I was totally petrified of them. Now I’m more just slightly stressed by bad storms. Mark, on the other hand really loves storms. He opens all the blinds and watches them. I know that being in the house, there isn’t really a serious danger, but I still worry. I’m sure you’re asking yourself what does that have to do with autism? Just like everything else in our lives… this has a lot of parallels to autism.. at least with Peyton.

He now loves weather, he watches the weather channel, checks it on phone etc. He doesn’t mind rain, now that he’s older, and has learned to deal with storms, as well. When he was younger rain scared him, storms totally petrified him. When he was young we lived in Florida and he lived through several hurricanes. He fed off of my fears and decided they were horrible. If he even thought a hurricane or bad storm was coming he would get so upset and go into a full meltdown. Nothing we did would help him. We tried explaining storms to him, showing him online positive sides to storms etc, he still would get so stressed. I wasn’t sure he was ever going to outgrow his fear. This worried me because I didn’t want him as a teen or adult to be somewhere and a storm come. Say he was at a grocery store and a storm happened, if he had a full meltdown who knows what could happen. I remember people telling me.. “he’ll outgrow it” but I knew because he is autistic, he may not.

I’m not exactly sure how and when Peyton overcame his fear of storms, but he has. He now not only enjoys rain, he sees benefits to it, and he is fine during storms. He dealt with the Houston Flooding much better than I thought he would. In fact he was better than many others! Having Peyton resolve his fears of rain and storms has also helped me. I used to get tense when I knew a rainstorm was coming. His meltdowns weren’t always easy to deal with. I hate seeing him get that upset, especially since there is nothing I could do to change it. We’ve now settled into rain and storms come and go. We don’t feel the need to sing.. rainy days and Mondays always get me down… instead we can sing… our song 🎵🎶 “Turning Autism into Awesomism” 🎶🎵