Bullies make me see Red

I know, I know everyone, well almost everyone, disdains bullies! Well, at least They SHOULD disdain bullies…..

Nowadays we hear a lot about bullies, everyone has a different definition of what a bully is. I’ve written several blogs about bullies.These blogs are based on my opinion and my definition of what I think a bully really is!

I think we can all agree, that certain people definitely fit the definition of bullies.  This blog is not about the “common definition” of bullies.

I am hypersensitive to bullies  because of Peyton. I’ve always been a mama bear to all of my kids, but I’m especially a helicopter Mama bear to Peyton!  I get extremely protective whenever I see an autistic child,teen or adult being bullied.

As I stated in previous blogs, we often hear it said that bullies are just terribly insecure people, and basically deflect not reflect on their insecurities. While I find this to be some what true, I think it goes deeper than that.

I think Bullies are insecure people, at least much of the time, but I also think many bullies  are narcissistic gaslighters. I also think that many bullies are truly unhappy in their own lives. So they invent fantasy lives, know they’re lying and then abuse other people because they’re angry that they’re not living that life!

Some of the biggest bullies that I’ve seen on social media, are also some of the biggest hypocrites. There have been times I’ve really wanted to call them out… But I also know that it’s a waste of time, because they generally don’t wanna listen anyway.

Being an autism activist, I thought long and hard about making my focal point bullying . After the story of the special-needs boy being tortured and bullied in Chicago and Facebook live, I knew I couldn’t be a bullying  activist.  That story touch me so deeply, that I still cry about it.

I decided that rather than be a bullying activist, I would actually offer comfort zones etc. for those who are  bullied. That’s a major focal point of our new project Team Awesomism. It’s to help those with autism, anxiety and stress find their comfort zones.

I have called a few bullies  out on Twitter, as well as blocked and reported some,and I don’t always mean to Twitter. There’s one thing that my husband has really taught me, don’t lower yourself to their level instead find solutions for those who are hurting.

Team Awesomism  was inspired by several things… One being finding solutions for those who are being bullied. Bullies are only bullies  because they feel like they have to have power over someone. What better way to empower someone, then help them find their inner strength and feel better about themselves?

We will be launching Team Awesomism  on September 15, which also happens to be Peyton’s  birthday! We are super excited about this project and can’t wait to share it with everyone!

In the meantime I ask this… Find commonality with everyone you come in contact with. It’s easy to find something to be angry or mean about… Just stop! If we treat others the way we want to be treated  as well as those we love… We’d have less hatred and more love. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as well as their beliefs… If you make this a rule in your life… You’ll stop and think before you deflect and actually reflect!

 

Finding My “Comfort Zones”

I haven’t talked about it much, but I have GAD. Which stands for General Anxiety Disorder. I was diagnosed with it over 12 years ago.

I was going through a particularly rough time in my life. So many things were swirling on around me. I felt beyond stressed with every part of my life.

When I was diagnosed with GAD, the diagnosis itself helped to relieve some of my stress. Allowed me to understand why I had such severe anxiety. Up until I was diagnosed, I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t process my anxiety better.

GAD is not something that you get over, it is something you learn to live with. While it can be a daily struggle to deal with, I actually can see positives in it.

I honestly believe that my GAD has allowed me in some ways to understand Peyton better.  I understand his triggers better. I have my own triggers, so I’m a lot more compassionate when he is really stressed.

Severe anxiety is no walk in the park. Sometimes it’s difficult for me to explain to people how my anxiety is affecting my day. It affects my sleep, My daily routines, as well as every other part of my life.

I’ve learned to cope with it in different ways. One of my favorite coping mechanism is to take a hot bath, I especially love taking hot lavender baths.

I’ve come to understand that when I get really stressed I need to do one of three things to my find my comfort zone:

1.  Talk about my stress, exactly what/who is stressing me, so that I can verbally and mentally work through it.

2. Distract myself with something positive that I absolutely love doing. This many times will  allow me to focus on something different …. the original stress actually works its way out naturally.

3. Sleep… Sleep… Sleep !! Yes, sleep helps me a lot. Remember when I said it affects my sleep? If I allow myself to become too tired, I have anxiety issues much quicker!

I’ve also learned that I have to remove toxic people from my life. I can’t allow those who just want to throw negativity at everyone all the time to be in my life on a daily basis. I take things way more to heart than people many times realize I do.

One of the reasons I love my husband so much, is he understands my GAD and works with me, when I’m going through my rough patches. He has this great expression “Shake it off” he knows EXACTLY when I need to hear this…..

He’s a strong support system for me, he plays at my strengths, works through  my weaknesses and shows me unconditional love through it all! He truly is my rock.

I discussed in prior blogs, how Peyton and I are starting team Awesomism ! This project is going to be about “conquering your fear’s and finding your comfort zone.”

One of the biggest things that I’ve learned since being diagnosed with GAD, is how I need to face my anxieties and find my comfort zones! I know I’m far from perfect, and I also have learned not to let others opinions of me, to define me.

I’m a work in progress, but I’m Learning to face my fears, anxieties and stresses and find those awesome comfort zones!

Here is a link to my book…. it’s full of ideas for “comfort zones” 

#Kindle edition:

http://amazon.com/dp/B072BWWCDJ/

#Print edition:

http://amazon.com/Mom-Awesomism-

http://amazon.com/dp/1546641653/

 

 

Light in the Dark Days

I am so happy to have Jay as our guest blogger again! I absolutely love his writing! His blogs are from the heart…. his honesty about his anxiety is refreshing… please follow him on twitter… @stealtheMGaming  as well as his blog….https://beardedigor.wordpress.com/
As I sat on the bus home, headphones in and music blaring, I find myself reflecting on my last few days. These last few days were some of my worst mentally for me. But I take a deep breath and realise a tide is turning.
It all started last Wednesday. I woke up just feeling down. I wasn’t my usual self. Was it the lack of sleep for another night, the humidity or my anxiety. All I know is something is different. I get through work with few problems. Not feeling too bad but I was excited to see my friends for the night.
Thursday however was a different matter.
I spent the whole day shut off. I went to work as normal. But I wasn’t myself, I didn’t talk to anyone, I want smiling or talkative as I can be. I was also snappy. I was truly feeling low. Anxiety was kicking my butt. This continued throughout the night and through the next day. Although by Friday night I was starting to pick up a little I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
So Friday night. The night my ex blocked me. Now I know I say ex. But I had been waiting for her for 10 weeks to get sorted and come back. That was the deal. But yeah that happened. I felt lost, foolish and idiotic. It really pushed me back down. But it also has an alternative effect. I became motivated. I became empowered.
Despite my anxiety pushing my down and life on top of me. I had a clear goal for the first time in my life. It was me and my blog. I want to be better and I want to be successful. I can’t get rid of anxiety but I plan to use it to push me forward.
Thank you for reading and thank you so much AwesomismMom for letting me be a guest.
Bearded Igor x

Anxiety and Me

We are so honored to have an awesome guest blogger this week! His name is Jay Cator… He blogs about a lot of interesting subjects. I asked him to share his journey with anxiety, with us! I absolutely love this blog, and I hope you do as well! Check out his contact information at the end of the blog! Please give him a follow and show support. Thanks for reading 💜

 

 

Anxiety, a word I have only ever heard at a distance. I never knew what it meant or how it effected people. I’ve always been different to others around me. Ever since I was a late teen, I over thought everything, even to the point where I would cancel plans to stay at home, in my safe place. I worry about every situation, by far my biggest flaw. I have always thought negative of myself and when certain scenarios popped up that could effect my life, the negative always won. I faced rejection constantly. I always shake at confrontation and avoided any situation that could lead me to the slightest harm.

Relationships and friendships followed in similar pattern. Dating I would face rejection at the first hurdle, bad first dates and hate. When I successfully find someone, I was felt like I was not good enough. Like they could do better, have someone who would give them a better life. I would worry constantly. Friends would come and go. The ones who leave I would never hear from again. Used for my kindness and care, it something I got used to.

My world change however when I met my last partner, someone who had anxiety and suddenly I understood. She opened my eyes to what anxiety was. I looked it up and spoke to a doctor and boom. Everything I thought was just me, a character flaw, was all explained. Unfortunately we split recently, more a break as we deal with various issues. But without her I would still be thinking, “why am I so different?” It all made sense. Why I have been, who I have been, has been explained.

I have always had ways of stopping me thinking, stop me worrying about every situation. I would play Xbox, using them to zone myself out into a different world. If that didn’t work, I sit in the corner, headphones in listening to my favourite songs. More recently, I have started writing, which has lead to my blog. Seeing people reading what I have to say and positivity has helped me massively recently. I start to feel I can achieve something, I’m not a failure, I can get better. I also find that following my favourite sports helps.

I have some really close friends that have helped me all these years and I feel very lucky that they are all still there. They all support me in different ways. My family are also a big support for me. I have love around me. I am truly lucky to have this support network, that will never be underestimated.

My biggest advice? Every day is different, so take life as it is every day. Find what comforts you, no matter how big or how small. When you get a victory, no matter how small, celebrate it. Shout it out to the world.

Thank you AwesomismMom for inviting me to write about me. I am honoured. Thank you all for taking the time to read.

Please follow and support Jay!

Blog: http://beardedigor.wordpress.com

Twitter: @stealthemgaming

Peyton….Autism….Perseverance

I came across this quote the other day “ Great works are performed not by strength but by Perseverance” Samuel Johnson

I immediately thought about Peyton and one of the things I admire most about him.. His Perseverance. He is adamant on Persevering, not necessarily the way you and I are, but in his own awesome way.

When he was 4, I was told he’d never read, write and probably not speak. While I was determined to help him in any way I could, I also accepted that if he didn’t read, write or speak that was okay. I was hoping he’d be able to do 2 of the 3… for his sake, not mine. I just wanted what was best for him.

i knew it was never going to be easy for him, but I also knew we were all in it to win it. My older kids and I were really committed to supporting Peyton in any way  we could. We were his biggest support system, and we joined forces for him!

Fast forward to June 2018… Peyton is  graduating  High School with all A’s and B’s! And guess what? He reads, write and speaks!  He is knocking so many obstacles out of the park everyday. His senior year of High School has been his best year! Trust me,his classes are difficult and intense. It seems the bigger the obstacle, the harder he fights.

He has been so determined to Not let things get in his way. This isn’t to say it’s always been easy, it hasn’t. He has had setbacks and difficulties. He’s lost faith in himself and others, then again who among us hasn’t?

One thing I’ve seen and touches me the most is, his perseverance. He keeps on and on,until he overcomes the negatives. Like I said before, it may not be the way we think it should be done… but that’s okay!

merriam-webster definition of perseverance is:

: “continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition : the action or condition or an instance of persevering: steadfastness” 
no where in the definition does it say… there is only one way to achieve/overcome!
                                                                                    Peyton is my inspiration and drive for AwesomismMom, Team Awesomism…. and most of all he’s the perfect example of “Turning Autism into Awesomism” I’m so proud of him. I can’t believe he’s 18! He’s my “baby” knowing he’s out of High School excites and scares me.
We are starting  a new chapter in his book of life. I know there will be obstacles, challenges, successes and new achievements. Being an autistic adult isn’t something he or I have experienced before. We will face each day like we have the past… one day at a time.  I also know he isn’t facing his future alone. He has a strong support network around him, who truly love him!
I also know this…. no matter how difficult it may get… Peyton will persevere, because that’s what  Peyton does… he perseveres. As his mom ( and biggest cheerleader) I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him!