Anxiety and Me

We are so honored to have an awesome guest blogger this week! His name is Jay Cator… He blogs about a lot of interesting subjects. I asked him to share his journey with anxiety, with us! I absolutely love this blog, and I hope you do as well! Check out his contact information at the end of the blog! Please give him a follow and show support. Thanks for reading 💜

 

 

Anxiety, a word I have only ever heard at a distance. I never knew what it meant or how it effected people. I’ve always been different to others around me. Ever since I was a late teen, I over thought everything, even to the point where I would cancel plans to stay at home, in my safe place. I worry about every situation, by far my biggest flaw. I have always thought negative of myself and when certain scenarios popped up that could effect my life, the negative always won. I faced rejection constantly. I always shake at confrontation and avoided any situation that could lead me to the slightest harm.

Relationships and friendships followed in similar pattern. Dating I would face rejection at the first hurdle, bad first dates and hate. When I successfully find someone, I was felt like I was not good enough. Like they could do better, have someone who would give them a better life. I would worry constantly. Friends would come and go. The ones who leave I would never hear from again. Used for my kindness and care, it something I got used to.

My world change however when I met my last partner, someone who had anxiety and suddenly I understood. She opened my eyes to what anxiety was. I looked it up and spoke to a doctor and boom. Everything I thought was just me, a character flaw, was all explained. Unfortunately we split recently, more a break as we deal with various issues. But without her I would still be thinking, “why am I so different?” It all made sense. Why I have been, who I have been, has been explained.

I have always had ways of stopping me thinking, stop me worrying about every situation. I would play Xbox, using them to zone myself out into a different world. If that didn’t work, I sit in the corner, headphones in listening to my favourite songs. More recently, I have started writing, which has lead to my blog. Seeing people reading what I have to say and positivity has helped me massively recently. I start to feel I can achieve something, I’m not a failure, I can get better. I also find that following my favourite sports helps.

I have some really close friends that have helped me all these years and I feel very lucky that they are all still there. They all support me in different ways. My family are also a big support for me. I have love around me. I am truly lucky to have this support network, that will never be underestimated.

My biggest advice? Every day is different, so take life as it is every day. Find what comforts you, no matter how big or how small. When you get a victory, no matter how small, celebrate it. Shout it out to the world.

Thank you AwesomismMom for inviting me to write about me. I am honoured. Thank you all for taking the time to read.

Please follow and support Jay!

Blog: http://beardedigor.wordpress.com

Twitter: @stealthemgaming

Peyton….Autism….Perseverance

I came across this quote the other day “ Great works are performed not by strength but by Perseverance” Samuel Johnson

I immediately thought about Peyton and one of the things I admire most about him.. His Perseverance. He is adamant on Persevering, not necessarily the way you and I are, but in his own awesome way.

When he was 4, I was told he’d never read, write and probably not speak. While I was determined to help him in any way I could, I also accepted that if he didn’t read, write or speak that was okay. I was hoping he’d be able to do 2 of the 3… for his sake, not mine. I just wanted what was best for him.

i knew it was never going to be easy for him, but I also knew we were all in it to win it. My older kids and I were really committed to supporting Peyton in any way  we could. We were his biggest support system, and we joined forces for him!

Fast forward to June 2018… Peyton is  graduating  High School with all A’s and B’s! And guess what? He reads, write and speaks!  He is knocking so many obstacles out of the park everyday. His senior year of High School has been his best year! Trust me,his classes are difficult and intense. It seems the bigger the obstacle, the harder he fights.

He has been so determined to Not let things get in his way. This isn’t to say it’s always been easy, it hasn’t. He has had setbacks and difficulties. He’s lost faith in himself and others, then again who among us hasn’t?

One thing I’ve seen and touches me the most is, his perseverance. He keeps on and on,until he overcomes the negatives. Like I said before, it may not be the way we think it should be done… but that’s okay!

merriam-webster definition of perseverance is:

: “continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition : the action or condition or an instance of persevering: steadfastness” 
no where in the definition does it say… there is only one way to achieve/overcome!
                                                                                    Peyton is my inspiration and drive for AwesomismMom, Team Awesomism…. and most of all he’s the perfect example of “Turning Autism into Awesomism” I’m so proud of him. I can’t believe he’s 18! He’s my “baby” knowing he’s out of High School excites and scares me.
We are starting  a new chapter in his book of life. I know there will be obstacles, challenges, successes and new achievements. Being an autistic adult isn’t something he or I have experienced before. We will face each day like we have the past… one day at a time.  I also know he isn’t facing his future alone. He has a strong support network around him, who truly love him!
I also know this…. no matter how difficult it may get… Peyton will persevere, because that’s what  Peyton does… he perseveres. As his mom ( and biggest cheerleader) I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him!

 

Peyton’s Inspirational Sign

The other day Peyton got this Inspire sign: he really loves it.  I was looking at it and realized the words on it, really described Peyton! He’s such an amazing and inspiring young man. I especially love the second part of the description… (2) “To awaken a particular feeling in somebody”.

He inspires, awakens etc… love, strength, patience, goals, effort, enthusiasm etc…. The best part of it is, he doesn’t even realize how much he inspires others.

I’ve said this many times in my blogs, how sweet he is. He really has a sweet heart and genuinely cares about others. He worries about others with such a pure and open heart. He doesn’t enter a “relationship” with preconceived ideas, thoughts or views. He takes everyone at face value.

I envy that about him, I wish I had that kind of trust and positive vulnerability … meaning he allows people to show him who they are, without deciding who they are. This isn’t to say he likes everyone… rather that he gives you the opportunity to be his friend. He’s optimistic that you are who you present yourself as . When he cares, he cares with a full and open heart.

It goes without saying that Peyton is the inspiration behind AwesomismMom…but even deeper than that … He’s the inspiration for “Team Awesomism Turning Autism into Awesomism” I’ve told him for years.. he has Awesomism not Autism. He’s the special one.. the rest of us in the family are “the same”  While we all know we are all individuals, Peyton is extremely special to us in so many positive ways.

I love watching Peyton when he’s in situations he feels comfortable in, like his Prom. He’s so happy, calm and engaged. He enjoys companionship, especially with others who take the time to connect with him.

He’s getting better about feeling comfortable in all settings. I’ve watched him go from a  shy, insecure, scared kid to someone who actually wants to go outside his “comfort zone”

The last 8 months have been a roller coaster… I’ve had some serious health issues. In the past Peyton would have stressed nonstop. Instead he faced the  situation at hand and dealt with it! We are so proud of him.

I’ve been stressing about our new project… “Team Awesomism Turning Autism into Awesomism” I sat down with him the other day with a LONG to do list. I asked him to look at it and tell me what he thought he could help me with, because I was feeling overwhelmed. He looked at me and said “ If we want to do this project, then we have to do this whole list, right?”

Remember (2): to awaken a particular feeling in somebody?

Peyton woke my feelings of strength, goals, determination, perseverance, drive……..I realized if Peyton doesn’t see obstacles then why should I? I’ve been so busy feeling overwhelmed and stressed about everything I HAVE to do for this project…. I forgot my own rule.. walk then run.

Peyton is right we have to get it ALL done, so instead of just having an overwhelming “To Do” list I need to have a To Do list … set by priorities.

Thank you Peyton… for once again being my inspiration….. You are a wonderful example of “Turning Autism into Awesomism” 💙

Watch for my next blog…. about our new and awesome project!! I think you will really be inspired. In the meantime here is Peyton’s twitter @PeytonAwesomism his Instagram PeytonsYearofAwesomism and his Flipboard ( which is his favorite) 😎 http://Check out my Flipboard magazine, Peyton’s Year Of Awesomism http://flip.it/KbJKTd

 

 

Groundhog Day

We are so honored to have a guest blogger this week! Her name is Erika Joyce-Shultz! Erika has a younger brother with Special Needs. We love her writing and think you will too! I’m adding the link to her website  at the end. Please check out her other blogs! Enjoy and thanks for stopping by 💙

 

QUIT! That’s it. I cannot do it anymore. I’m sick and tied of being sick and tired.

I’m sure if it isn’t one of those particular phrases, there are others that fall in the same family that are thought or vocalized every day, heck, every hour, by someone.

We wake up each morning, and before we even have the chance to be grateful that we woke up to see another day above ground, we are immediately bombarded by the “to do” list of the day. If it’s not the “to do” list, it’s a recap of what didn’t get done the day before. If it’s not regret of responsibilities put off, it’s just the overall feeling of being “done” or just plain old worn out.

And we haven’t even put one foot on the floor.

I use to have those days more often than not, for a combination of the reasons above and then some. The moment that alarm goes off, an indistinguishable sound escaped my throat, that at best can be described as, “uuuggghh”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am blessed. I have a smart, funny, healthy, and well adjusted tween, a home with heat and air, hot water, food, a reliable vehicle, and even a little pain in the butt Shih Tzu that some would say is cute. (Okay, he IS cute).

It’s like Groundhog Day from hell, and unfortunately there’s no Bill Murray to provide any comic relief. So where is this feeling of waking to a seemingly painful and unsatisfying reality come from?

Lack. Of. Purpose.

You finally get up out of the bed, ( phew…I know that was a challenge), and make your way to start your morning routine. Make your coffee, go to the bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror while thinking to yourself, “okay, here we go again”, and continue on until you’re headed out the door to your 9 to 5. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have as great of a beat as Dolly portrayed when she sang it.

Maybe, you’re even a stay at home mom. I use to envy you, until two of my best friends became stay at home moms, and I realized that their groundhog days may look different than mine, but the feeling was just the same. BLAH.

One day as I was going through a few TPS reports, (Office Space, anyone??), I realized that I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired, that I needed to make some changes. No, I don’t mean change jobs and no, I didn’t win the lottery…although I’m still working on that one.

The changes had to start with me. Perception is reality right? Well my perception of things really sucked because my reality was pretty lackluster, to put it lightly. I began to realize I needed to feel like what I got up every day to do mattered. I began to look for my purpose.

Now, this is a process and it’s a journey. I’ve been on it now for about a year and while I’m not yet where I would like to be, I’m sure the heck not where I was. I’m going to be honest. The process of finding out who you are, what you’re gifted at, and how to use it is hard and sometimes dirty and painful.

You have to be willing to look at yourself and ask how you are contributing to your own misery. Whether it’s bitterness or anger you’re holding on to for past hurts, maybe its lack of inspiration, maybe you are not taking the best care of your health, or maybe…you’ve just been lazy.

Whatever the reason or reasons, you have to face them, accept them and then take action to change them.

Everyone has been given talents and gifts. Honestly, a lot of people overlook their talent or gift because it comes so easily and naturally to them. Here’s some potential hints that you’ve been given:

“Wow, you are such a great speaker”

“You have a way with words”

“I wish I could sit down and doodle like you, that looks great”

Or maybe people come to you for your advice, or look to you for crafty inspiration. The point is, your gifts are there, you just have to uncover them and use them.

You may be in a job that you really don’t care for, but guess what? You are there for a reason. Remember, perception is reality, so if your reality isn’t great, maybe you need to change your perspective. All the while, finding a way to utilize the talents and gifts you’ve been given.

That may mean making time for yourself after work to draw, write, read, build something, join a like minded group, etc…

Get up, stretch and dare the day to keep up with you. It’s time to move forward and find your purpose sweetheart.

Groundhog Day is over.

please check out her website at.

http://mzimperfect.com/  

Blessed Easter Weekend

Have a beautiful Good Friday and a Very Blessed Easter Weekend! There is nothing more beautiful than Unconditional Love! Let’s vow to spread Love to Everyone!