A LOVEly Garden

I absolutely love gardens, I have quite a few of them at my home… My favorite one that I started this year is a large wild flower garden.

I am much more interested in starting my garden from seeds and bulbs than I am going and buying flowers and planting them.

There’s something magical about planting the seeds/bulbs and watching them grow… It always amazes me how just a little seed, that you can barely see.. Can turn into something so beautiful and so amazing.

 

Nature for me is very calming, I not only love to have flowers in my gardens, but I also love to have cut flowers in my home. There is something so beautiful and uplifting about see beautiful flowers all around. I especially love it in the winter when it is cold, and in the summer when it honestly is almost too hot to go outside.

Many times we associate flowers with love… You see pictures of flowers when you’ll see people promoting love, or you see flowers on greeting cards… when you are sending them to somebody that you love.

Many of our most prominent “love” holidays like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day etc. we really promote sending flowers… To someone to make them feel special.

With everything going on in the world right now… All the anger, all the hate… so many people just telling other people what to think, and how to feel and what to do… I’ve seen people point blank say if you don’t say this, you’re no longer my friend… That’s hurtful because we are all individuals and we all express ourselves differently.

This is especially upsetting to me because Peyton… Being an autistic adult, doesn’t always use words in the way that other people use them… He has seen some of this on social media, and it’s really hurt his heart.

The other day when I was outside in my garden looking at all the beauty and just trying to sit there and calm down… I thought you know we take these tiny little seeds and these bulbs and we plant them in soil, and we nourish them and we water them etc. etc. and they grow into these beautiful flowers.

Wouldn’t it be really awesome, if we as humans, stopped for a few minutes and realized that instead of planting seeds of anger and hatred and distrust… We stopped and listened to one another truly listened… Each one of us has a different life experience, and we can learn so much from that by sharing with others… truly sharing and listening and opening our hearts.

Imagine if we all decided to plant the seeds of love… Of listening… Of compassion… Of understanding… How much better we would feel… How much better we would be… And how much more beautiful the world would be!

I challenge each of you.. every time you see a flower.. to think about where can YOU plant that seed of love,acceptance, understanding, compassion and listening.

Together we can do better, together we can be better,but most of all together we can grow into something beautiful.

As always thanks so much for reading my blog!

Have an awesome and beautiful day!

My Anyway Friend

“ My anyway friend” I heard that term for the first time in December… I was laying in bed for several days binge watching the show, Private Practice…It’s not like me to basically stay in bed for a few days.

This time I had a really good reason.. I’m trying to work my way through my grief. One of my oldest and dearest friends… Passed away suddenly… I know for a fact she’s in a better place because Lisa lived her faith, Walked her faith and shared her faith.

I love the definition of an “anyway friend”… They know everything about you and they love you anyway… That was Lisa to a T!

Lisa didn’t have the easiest of lives, but she made the best of everything she had. She was a friend that everyone wants, an few are blessed to have.

I could give 100 stories of who Lisa was, but I’m gonna give you my favorite…

10+ years ago I was going through a really difficult divorce, I was a single parent of four kids …one being autistic… I was trying to work 40/50 hours a week,on top of many other things, but I hit my wall.

I was having a really rough time emotionally and mentally. I was living in Northern Virginia at the time, and Lisa was still in Florida… That’s where we had become friends.

I called her and told her that I was going to be coming home to Florida, to see the doctor.

I asked her if she would please meet me at the doctors office… Because I was afraid to go alone, she said no she was busy. This really hurt my feelings, because it wasn’t the way Lisa was. I reminded myself she was going through her own divorce.. so even though it hurt me, I knew she must have had a good reason.

I drove home and I went to see the doctor… That’s when I was diagnosed with GAD… General Anxiety Disorder.

After some time with the doctor, I walked out into the lobby… I felt a little better, because I felt like I knew what was wrong with me, and now I had to fix it.

There was Lisa standing in the lobby. I burst into tears and said I can’t believe you’re here. She said I’ve been sitting in the parking lot across the street for two hours. I wanted to make sure that you were going to come to the appointment, if you didn’t I was going to go find you and drag you here.

She then went on to say, I also knew that if I met you here, you would look at me as your safe haven… Your rock…and you would talk yourself out of going in and getting the help you needed.

She was 100% correct! she knew me like the back of her hand. That’s who Lisa was. She was my rock… she kicked me in the butt when I needed it, and she loved me unconditionally.

I miss her so much words can’t express. She was an amazing woman, mother, grandmother… Sister… Daughter.. but most of all she was my “anyway friend”.

She truly was that friend who knew everything about you, the good, the bad and the ugly and loved you anyway. She didn’t just talk it, she walked it… just like her faith. I would give anything to have 30 minutes with her again.

I wanted to write this blog and put it out on Valentine’s Day… Because she will always be in my heart. I miss you lees.. and I love you…

Until we see each other again, I promise I will be as awesome of an “anyway friend” to others as you were to me…❤️💔

Binge Watching

I admit I used to be one of those people who could never understand how people could binge watch a TV show. I just didn’t feel like I want to sit there for hours and watch the same show over and over… I know it would be different episodes but it still was the same list of characters etc.

We have Comcast/Xfinity in our house, and one of the channels that we watch quite a bit is.. decades TV.

Decades TV does a binge weekend each weekend… Where they run an entire show from noon on Saturday until 6 AM on Monday morning… Each and every weekend is a different show.

One particular weekend they were having a binge weekend of the Commish… I absolutely loved the show when it was on originally.

So I decided that I was going to binge watch it. Needless to say, after that, weekend I became a fan of binge watching. I know surprise surprise!

I have since binge watched a ton of different shows… On cable, Netflix, Tubi etc. etc.

I’m sure you’re wondering why am I talking about binge watching TV in a blog that is supposed to be about autism and or anxiety…

The other day I was thinking about how I couldn’t really find a show to binge watch and what I was interested in watching…. what era, drama, crime, reality or comedy etc. as I was reflecting on what I was really in the mood for, I realized in some ways binge watching TV is very similar to my life.

When I pick a show for binge watching it’s usually because it suits whatever kind of mood I am at that time.

As I’ve spoken about many times in different blogs I have GAD… General anxiety disorder.

When I’m extremely anxious and/ or having anxiety attacks.. I tend to hyperfocus on something in my life. It can be where I’m really stressing about a particular situation that I’ve either just been in, or about to go into… It can be about work, it can be about my kids… It can be about health, it can be about something that’s gonna happen a year from now or something I want to have happen.

The point is, I get myself so worked up and I sit an hyperfocus/stress/feel super anxious about this situation.

It’s not always because I want to, it’s because of my GAD.

When we are binge watching TV shows we become so hyper focused on that particular situation of a show.

I remember back in the olden days… Ha ha I’m 59 years old… When I was young soap operas were super popular. Many stay at home moms sat and watched soap operas during the day, and they became so focused on the shows that sometimes they believe that the actor or actress, were really that person in real life.

I’m by no means saying everyone who watched it believed that, but there were some.

Just like nowadays we become so connected to celebrities, pro athletes, musicians and reality TV stars… That sometimes we feel like because we see them on TV, in the movies, on social media etc. we know them personally we start focusing on their lives.

This is how I can be when I am really consumed with my GAD.. I start believing that my anxiety, my fears, my stress are real.

When I had that epiphany the other day, I suddenly realized I need to use my binge watching of shows almost as a Learning experience for me… To remember just as I can turn off the binge watching, I can get up and walk away… I need to turn off my hyper stress and refocus myself to other things in my life…

Even though I thought binge watching was silly… now I can honestly say I’m kind of glad I did it… And still do! I have learned a life lesson from it.

As always, thanks for reading my blog and have an awesome day!

Throwback: Reflect Not Deflect

I thought this was a good Throwback Thursday Blog….. I see so much hate and Bullying daily about EVERYTHING! I wish people would take time to reflect… spread kindness.. respect others OPINIONS… and look at themselves and ask are they being kind? are they being Hypocrites? people have a right to disagree, without being labeled and libeled……

 

 

Sunday night in the middle of the night my oldest son started texting me, I kept hearing Luke Combs text tone over and over. You see I have one of his ringtones attached to my son’s number. Luke is my favorite country singer and my son reminds me of him. As much as I love hearing Luke’s songs, I wasn’t happy that my son was texting over and over so late.

I grabbed my phone to see what was so important. Of course as soon as I read his texts, my heart broke. He was letting me know about the senseless murder of people at a Country Music fest, which Luke Combs actually happened to be performing at.

I thought to myself once again Hate rears it’s despicable head. I started watching the news and looking on social media, another coward had decided to shoot innocent people. I will never understand how people can be so full of hate.

I felt so helpless and full of hurt as I watched the footage. I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I laid in bed watching classic TV to try to calm down. I knew I was going to need to talk with Peyton when he woke up, about once again about how evil people can be. I feel like I am always having this discussion.

We have talked with him about bullies and people who choose to deflect their issues rather than reflect, but mass shootings aren’t easy to explain. Peyton is very sweet and gentle and doesn’t understand why people are so mean.

I really don’t have words for this latest display of hateful violence. Daily I see people attacking each other on twitter because they disagree. I started calling it slanderous bullying.

Peyton has asked me several times why people have to be so mean just because they don’t like who someone voted for. I’ve tried to explain to him that many times people take it as a personal attack against their views,rather than everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I really am on my last nerve with some of the offensive & slanderous “name tags” being put on people.

It’s a bit puzzling to me how people can sit on social media and name call, finger point and make “threats” then say they disdain bullies. This justification of anything goes because someone else said something you disagree with HAS TO STOP!

My prayer and hope is that people look inside of themselves, instead of deflect.

We can’t control what others say & do, but we can control ourselves.

If we choose to not play the game of verbal violence, maybe just maybe others will stop as well. Let’s all make a vow to tone down the rhetoric. While words are only words, they can lead to more.

I hope we can return good for evil, reflect not deflect, open our hearts and minds, disagree with respect and support causes not agendas! While this won’t stop evil, it’s a great start and we need to start somewhere because if we don’t I am not sure what will happen.

Love is a Verb

Love is a verb… I love this phrase when love is portrayed in an unconditional way, these days it seems to be rare!
Love is something we really tend to reflect on during the Holidays season!

Almost all parents will and should tell you that they love their kids unconditionally. That is what gets you through the rough patches. All parents go through tough times, but many in the autism community go through rough patches much more often. This can be very tough, especially when a parent is a single parent. Most often they don’t have a break from the stress. Their unconditional love is truly tested. I think one of the hardest parts for some parents is that the love isn’t given back always.

Not all autistic kids share the emotion, no connection of love, however; many do… it isn’t true that most don’t show Love…

That said I consider myself lucky. Peyton says he loves me and shows love. He loves others as well, and for this I am so thankful. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to never hear the words I love you from my children. Although, Peyton says it and means it I cherish it in a way I can’t describe.

I love all my kids the same, but Peyton has a special place in my heart. One of my greatest joys is seeing how much my older kids truly love Peyton unconditionally. They celebrate his positives and hurt when he hurts. Life isn’t always easy for any of us, but for Peyton it’s tougher, But I also know that with mine, marks and my older kids unconditional love he will be just fine.

Love can be shown in so many different ways… it isn’t always just by saying it. It can be by doing even the smallest gestures…

In our home we believe in the saying “love is a verb” and we live it! I would love to hear from you… You’re awesome stories about how love is a verb in your life.

As always, thank you so much for reading my blog…

Hope you are enjoying our 45 Awesomism Days of the Holidays!

Have an awesome day