Red-Angry Blue-Sad

We are so honored to have an amazing blogger as our guest blogger this week! She’s an amazing mom… Who openly discusses her life. My hope is that after you read her blog… You come away with the same emotions/thoughts  that I did.. we need more mental health help!!! People need to stop talking and start doing.. this is not a political issue, this is a human issue! Please check out her other blogs here http://thoughtswithn.blogspot.com/

Also, We have her books for sale on our website https://teamawesomism.com/

 

I remember the day that I saw a piece of work completed by my oldest son. He was 6 at the time. His class was learning about emotions, and had them associated with colors. The piece of paper asked them to identify the 2 emotions they most commonly feel, and draw it in the associated color. His was Red – Angry, and Blue- Sad.

 

I remember the tears that sprung to my eyes. The feeling of failure I felt. My little boy was always angry at this point.

 

I had always struggled with him, since the beginning, but now it was at a new high. The Police were now involved, as he had begun threatening his baby sister.

 

Oh, and I was 6 months pregnant. I had high blood pressure, so I was supposed to be relaxing.

 

There, in front of me lay the evidence of the state of my sons mental health. He was so angry, and so sad. He didn`t know what to say, or how to say it, so his anger dragged on, day after day.

 

This was such a hard time for all of us. I have scars on me from his intense temper, and I am pretty sure my daughter is emotionally scarred.

 

Despite struggling for so many years, and trying to get him help, I had failed. The counsellor agreed that this paper was slightly alarming for a little boy, and sent off the papers for a Psychiatric Assessment.

 

We waited.

 

We waited.

 

Months and months went by. While my son struggled.

 

So many days I just wanted to run away and disappear. I questioned my capabilities of being a mother. I questioned how I was going to raise another boy. I have never in my life felt so lost as what I did at this time.

 

To be honest, I am not even sure how we all made it through. Maybe it is just the power of love. I one day told my son very clearly, I know you are angry, and I will be here whenever you are ready to talk, but there is not anything you can do to me to make me stop loving you, or to make me give up on you. You are my son.

 

We got the call for the assessment a year after the referral was placed. A YEAR. A family in a crisis situation, and such a sad and confused little boy.

 

We declined the assessment at this point, because he had already been through three and he was tired of doing it. No one saw what we saw. His intense temper. His neediness for everything to be a very specific way. His amazing abilities with numbers, and recognizing patterns. No one saw it. They always just told us, he is a very bright boy.

 

I decided, rather than trying to change him, I was going to accept him. Accept him exactly how he is.

 

He is almost 8 now. I can`t believe so much time has passed since my feelings of hopelessness. He is in Grade 2 and an intense math whiz. He still struggles with his temper, but he is far less violent.

 

Now he talks to me. He tells me what is wrong. Then we can figure out how to fix it.

 

You may not always be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I sure didn`t when I was locked in my room, trying to protect the baby in my belly, and my 1 year old daughter. I could not see any light in my life what so ever. I wanted to run away.

 

The light is there. It will shine.

 

Love

N 💜

The Holland Lighthouse

When I was growing up my parents had a summer home in Holland, Michigan. Although I must admit, we always called it a cottage. even though  it was definitely bigger than a cottage.

I love Holland, Michigan. The highlight of my year was always going up there for the summer. Our home was on the lake,we had a dock, a boat,paddle boat etc… There was so much to do.

I used to love it at night when we would have the windows open and the only sound we would hear was an occasional motorboat out on the lake. There was something very soothing about that to me. I also loved when the water was kind a rolling to the shore and you just hear it kind of hitting the beach.

My summers in Holland are some of my favorite memories from my childhood. I also loved it when my family would go up to the family cottage in Minocqua, Wisconsin. It was something very magical and safe and comforting about how it was.

Although, I was born and raised in a large city… Chicago, and I live in a large city… Houston… I truly do prefer smaller towns. I think I develop the love of them because of Holland, Michigan.

There’s something very soothing and comforting to me about small towns. I’ve not really lived in one per say since being an adult. I’ve lived in suburbs of large cities primarily. I do think I’d like to retire to a smaller town though.

I’m sure you’re probably wondering why I’m writing this in a  Sunday Soothing blog. The point of this blog is more about finding that comfort zone… You may not be in the situation at the time… Like I live in a big city now, but there is soothing comfort to me in the memories of being in Holland during the summer.

For me nothing represents Holland better than the lighthouse. I’ve always loved that lighthouse, there was just something so magical about it for me. To this day I smile every time I see a picture, think about it or look at the lighthouse statue, I have in my office. 

I purposely put the statue in my office so that when I do get really  stressed I can look at it. One of the things that I’ve really learned with my GAD… General anxiety disorder… Is when I’m starting to feel overwhelmed, I have to go to my comfort zone/happy place.

I have several comfort zone/happy places… And that’s good because sometimes somethings don’t destress me at the time, so I need other things.  Do you have comforting memories that bring you to your comfort zone? I’d love to hear about them.

This past week was a particularly tough week for me I had a lot going on. There are several really stressful situations I’m dealing with right now… So my comfort zone/happy places have been needed a lot this week.

I was trying to think about what I wanted to write in my Sunday soothing blog… I was sitting in the comfortable chair in my office, and I looked at my Holland lighthouse and realized how many times this week I looked at it and smiled. I knew then I needed to have my Soothing  Sunday blog… about the Holland lighthouse! 

Thanks so much to Terry Potter for allowing me to use this awesome picture of the Lighthouse… please check out her amazing photography on Flipboard https://flipboard.com/@TPorter2

As always thanks so much for reading my blog and your support!

Check out Peyton’s website for more comfort zones/happyplaces. https://teamawesomism.com/

 

 

Wednesday Woman

Several months ago I put a blog out talking about how I was going to blog four times a week… I haven’t done very well with that at all. I’m sorry!

I could give excuses, and give reasons why I haven’t, but at the end of the day I just really haven’t done it and I need to be better at it.

One of my biggest shortcomings is I tend to put things off,and then I frantically try to catch up all at once… This doesn’t work well… Especially with my GAD, general anxiety disorder.

I have often wondered if I do this because of my  GAD, or if it’s just a serious personality flaw, and it makes my GAD worse. However; lately I’ve come to the realization that it doesn’t matter… chicken or egg.. I need to be better organized! I need to follow through on things at the time.

Right now I’m juggling 1000 things… Being the wife of an oil guy… Who comes and goes and works many hours… Mind you,I’m not complaining I think I have the best husband in the world!

I’m a mother of four…that alone keeps me busy! 😁 And I wouldn’t have it any other way, I absolutely love and adore my children. Three of my children are adults, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t  in my life any less.

I always find it amusing when people say to me “but your kids are adults… What do you mean they take up your time?”  It’s as if because they are adults… They’re no longer in my life!  🤦‍♀️ Of course is usually comes from people who never had children.

If you’ve been following my blog you’ve also seen that I started doing a Soothing  Sunday Blog … Where I talk about what I do to decompress and destress. It’s essential that I do!.

My Wednesday woman blog is going to be more geared towards being a mom, a mom of a special needs teen, a mompreneur, a momblogger, a wife and most importantly a woman.

I know how important it is for me to take care of myself so that I am here for everyone else. I also know it’s extremely important for me to take care of myself for me!

My Wednesday woman blogs are going to be about how I juggle all the different aspects of my life, and still allow time for me! These are not meant to be instructional, rather more personal tips that work for me. They may or may not work for you, as we are all different.

I decided to start sharing this because I’ve had people say to me, how do you do at all? I always have the same response… I didn’t know I had any other option. I know I’m far from the only woman who feels this way every day.

Women come in all shapes, sizes, colors, religions ethnicity’s etc. etc. women also have many different views. I find it somewhat disingenuous when women say that they are for women but disrespect women who disagree with them. Be it on politics, careers/stay at home, Homeschooling, married, single  etc. etc.

I truly hope you join me on this journey of Wednesday Woman blogs! As always thanks for reading my blog… Your support means a lot to me! I hope you get something from my experiences!  that can maybe help you with yours!

Please check out Peyton‘s website https://teamawesomism.com/

Hugs 🤗  and have an awesome day!

 

My Soothing Fall into Autumn

After a super stressful month of trying to get Team Awesomism launched… Dealing with all the glitches on the website… I needed to just have a relaxing few days.

My to do list is longer than I care to admit… I put off a lot of stuff helping Peyton get his business going… I have to say though, it was really worth it! I’m so proud of him… He now calls himself… An Autistic Teenpreneur Small Business owner!

Even though technically Autumn started a while back… We just started our “cold weather”  this past week here in Texas. It now actually really feels like fall.

I started decorating for the fall about a month ago, but I wasn’t really so much into it,until this week!  I absolutely love decorating for the different seasons… You can ask my husband about the amount of storage bins we have full of decorations 😂🤣

I’ve always loved decorating for the holidays. When my kids were young it was themed more towards what kids like during the holidays. Now that they’re older I still really decorate, but it’s geared more towards what I like!

My third child came over a couple of weeks ago for dinner, first words out of his mouth when he came in the house were “I love how much you decorate for the fall”.  That made me feel so good.

As I’ve discussed in previous blogs I have GAD, General Anxiety Disorder, and having my house feel “comfy & homey”  is very calming and soothing for me. I take a lot of time when I’m decorating. I decorate differently each year,depending on my mood.

This year when I was decorating, I was more stressed… have a lot going on… So my theme was really a comfortable,cozy fall! I honestly find comfort and relaxation when my house feels super comfy.

Peyton helped me decorate this year, he loves pumpkins… So he likes to put the pumpkins in places. The last couple years we haven’t gotten real pumpkins… But we have several pumpkins that light up, and we put those outside.

Peyton decorates  his room as well as the rooms upstairs that he spends the most time in. He really enjoys it,and I enjoy seeing him be creative!

This year I focused quite a bit on my fireplace, our fireplace is very soothing and comforting for me. We got quite a bit to use out of it last year because it was really cold… I’m hoping to get a lot out of it this year too.

Until it really gets cold enough to use it… Although I have to admit anything below 60 and I’m ready to start it up! I’m lighting candles or two on the fireplace and enjoying it that way. Very soothing!

Starting with this blog I’m going to be doing a soothing Sunday blog every Sunday about different things that help me relax. I know I had talked about doing this several months ago… But I got so backed up with helping Peyton with Team Awesomism.

Thanks for hanging in there with me! Thank you for reading this blog and I always love feedback! Please check out Peyton‘s website at https://teamawesomism.com/

Bullies make me see Red

I know, I know everyone, well almost everyone, disdains bullies! Well, at least They SHOULD disdain bullies…..

Nowadays we hear a lot about bullies, everyone has a different definition of what a bully is. I’ve written several blogs about bullies.These blogs are based on my opinion and my definition of what I think a bully really is!

I think we can all agree, that certain people definitely fit the definition of bullies.  This blog is not about the “common definition” of bullies.

I am hypersensitive to bullies  because of Peyton. I’ve always been a mama bear to all of my kids, but I’m especially a helicopter Mama bear to Peyton!  I get extremely protective whenever I see an autistic child,teen or adult being bullied.

As I stated in previous blogs, we often hear it said that bullies are just terribly insecure people, and basically deflect not reflect on their insecurities. While I find this to be some what true, I think it goes deeper than that.

I think Bullies are insecure people, at least much of the time, but I also think many bullies  are narcissistic gaslighters. I also think that many bullies are truly unhappy in their own lives. So they invent fantasy lives, know they’re lying and then abuse other people because they’re angry that they’re not living that life!

Some of the biggest bullies that I’ve seen on social media, are also some of the biggest hypocrites. There have been times I’ve really wanted to call them out… But I also know that it’s a waste of time, because they generally don’t wanna listen anyway.

Being an autism activist, I thought long and hard about making my focal point bullying . After the story of the special-needs boy being tortured and bullied in Chicago and Facebook live, I knew I couldn’t be a bullying  activist.  That story touch me so deeply, that I still cry about it.

I decided that rather than be a bullying activist, I would actually offer comfort zones etc. for those who are  bullied. That’s a major focal point of our new project Team Awesomism. It’s to help those with autism, anxiety and stress find their comfort zones.

I have called a few bullies  out on Twitter, as well as blocked and reported some,and I don’t always mean to Twitter. There’s one thing that my husband has really taught me, don’t lower yourself to their level instead find solutions for those who are hurting.

Team Awesomism  was inspired by several things… One being finding solutions for those who are being bullied. Bullies are only bullies  because they feel like they have to have power over someone. What better way to empower someone, then help them find their inner strength and feel better about themselves?

We will be launching Team Awesomism  on September 15, which also happens to be Peyton’s  birthday! We are super excited about this project and can’t wait to share it with everyone!

In the meantime I ask this… Find commonality with everyone you come in contact with. It’s easy to find something to be angry or mean about… Just stop! If we treat others the way we want to be treated  as well as those we love… We’d have less hatred and more love. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as well as their beliefs… If you make this a rule in your life… You’ll stop and think before you deflect and actually reflect!