Light in the Dark Days

I am so happy to have Jay as our guest blogger again! I absolutely love his writing! His blogs are from the heart…. his honesty about his anxiety is refreshing… please follow him on twitter… @stealtheMGaming  as well as his blog….https://beardedigor.wordpress.com/
As I sat on the bus home, headphones in and music blaring, I find myself reflecting on my last few days. These last few days were some of my worst mentally for me. But I take a deep breath and realise a tide is turning.
It all started last Wednesday. I woke up just feeling down. I wasn’t my usual self. Was it the lack of sleep for another night, the humidity or my anxiety. All I know is something is different. I get through work with few problems. Not feeling too bad but I was excited to see my friends for the night.
Thursday however was a different matter.
I spent the whole day shut off. I went to work as normal. But I wasn’t myself, I didn’t talk to anyone, I want smiling or talkative as I can be. I was also snappy. I was truly feeling low. Anxiety was kicking my butt. This continued throughout the night and through the next day. Although by Friday night I was starting to pick up a little I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
So Friday night. The night my ex blocked me. Now I know I say ex. But I had been waiting for her for 10 weeks to get sorted and come back. That was the deal. But yeah that happened. I felt lost, foolish and idiotic. It really pushed me back down. But it also has an alternative effect. I became motivated. I became empowered.
Despite my anxiety pushing my down and life on top of me. I had a clear goal for the first time in my life. It was me and my blog. I want to be better and I want to be successful. I can’t get rid of anxiety but I plan to use it to push me forward.
Thank you for reading and thank you so much AwesomismMom for letting me be a guest.
Bearded Igor x

Groundhog Day

We are so honored to have a guest blogger this week! Her name is Erika Joyce-Shultz! Erika has a younger brother with Special Needs. We love her writing and think you will too! I’m adding the link to her website  at the end. Please check out her other blogs! Enjoy and thanks for stopping by 💙

 

QUIT! That’s it. I cannot do it anymore. I’m sick and tied of being sick and tired.

I’m sure if it isn’t one of those particular phrases, there are others that fall in the same family that are thought or vocalized every day, heck, every hour, by someone.

We wake up each morning, and before we even have the chance to be grateful that we woke up to see another day above ground, we are immediately bombarded by the “to do” list of the day. If it’s not the “to do” list, it’s a recap of what didn’t get done the day before. If it’s not regret of responsibilities put off, it’s just the overall feeling of being “done” or just plain old worn out.

And we haven’t even put one foot on the floor.

I use to have those days more often than not, for a combination of the reasons above and then some. The moment that alarm goes off, an indistinguishable sound escaped my throat, that at best can be described as, “uuuggghh”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am blessed. I have a smart, funny, healthy, and well adjusted tween, a home with heat and air, hot water, food, a reliable vehicle, and even a little pain in the butt Shih Tzu that some would say is cute. (Okay, he IS cute).

It’s like Groundhog Day from hell, and unfortunately there’s no Bill Murray to provide any comic relief. So where is this feeling of waking to a seemingly painful and unsatisfying reality come from?

Lack. Of. Purpose.

You finally get up out of the bed, ( phew…I know that was a challenge), and make your way to start your morning routine. Make your coffee, go to the bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror while thinking to yourself, “okay, here we go again”, and continue on until you’re headed out the door to your 9 to 5. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have as great of a beat as Dolly portrayed when she sang it.

Maybe, you’re even a stay at home mom. I use to envy you, until two of my best friends became stay at home moms, and I realized that their groundhog days may look different than mine, but the feeling was just the same. BLAH.

One day as I was going through a few TPS reports, (Office Space, anyone??), I realized that I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired, that I needed to make some changes. No, I don’t mean change jobs and no, I didn’t win the lottery…although I’m still working on that one.

The changes had to start with me. Perception is reality right? Well my perception of things really sucked because my reality was pretty lackluster, to put it lightly. I began to realize I needed to feel like what I got up every day to do mattered. I began to look for my purpose.

Now, this is a process and it’s a journey. I’ve been on it now for about a year and while I’m not yet where I would like to be, I’m sure the heck not where I was. I’m going to be honest. The process of finding out who you are, what you’re gifted at, and how to use it is hard and sometimes dirty and painful.

You have to be willing to look at yourself and ask how you are contributing to your own misery. Whether it’s bitterness or anger you’re holding on to for past hurts, maybe its lack of inspiration, maybe you are not taking the best care of your health, or maybe…you’ve just been lazy.

Whatever the reason or reasons, you have to face them, accept them and then take action to change them.

Everyone has been given talents and gifts. Honestly, a lot of people overlook their talent or gift because it comes so easily and naturally to them. Here’s some potential hints that you’ve been given:

“Wow, you are such a great speaker”

“You have a way with words”

“I wish I could sit down and doodle like you, that looks great”

Or maybe people come to you for your advice, or look to you for crafty inspiration. The point is, your gifts are there, you just have to uncover them and use them.

You may be in a job that you really don’t care for, but guess what? You are there for a reason. Remember, perception is reality, so if your reality isn’t great, maybe you need to change your perspective. All the while, finding a way to utilize the talents and gifts you’ve been given.

That may mean making time for yourself after work to draw, write, read, build something, join a like minded group, etc…

Get up, stretch and dare the day to keep up with you. It’s time to move forward and find your purpose sweetheart.

Groundhog Day is over.

please check out her website at.

http://mzimperfect.com/