His Perspective

Today I had a long overdue phone call with a dear friend. We’ve been promising to talk for months, only to have life get in the way. We’ve been “catching up “ via text which really isn’t catching up.. it’s more like bullet points of an essay. One thing I really adore about him is we can pick right up where we left off and never feel like there was a “break”. I’ve known him for sometime and have always really enjoyed him. He’s very smart, extremely funny.. I’ve been in tears many times from laughter while talking with him. He is very straight forward, but one of the nicest guys you’ll ever know. I really enjoy my conversations with him because I vent, laugh, cry and learn and come away feeling better about so many things. He’s a world traveler and brings a perspective that I don’t always get elsewhere.

I love having a variety of friends who bring different life experiences and perspectives to our friendship. This friendship brings me both that I don’t get elsewhere and I deeply value that. While he doesn’t have children, he has extended family members who are autistic,and he is directly involved in their lives, so he can add thoughts, views and ideas that I don’t get elsewhere. He sees the “forest through the trees” but brings it having a direct connection to Autism.

Todays conversation didn’t disappoint, we not only caught up, we made plans for the future. There are times I feel like I’ve hit a wall with AwesomismMom, not that I can’t break down those walls.. but I need  a “sledgehammer perspective” from others who aren’t necessarily directly involved. It’s nice to get feedback on my blogs, thoughts, goals and direction for AwesomismMom. He was very encouraging today, as well as brought some awesome thoughts. I enjoyed hearing his perspective not only on my blogs, but also on how he sees the other side, from many of us who live every day with an autistic child. I think sometimes I get so caught up in the day to day of AwesomismMom and trying to make a positive impact, I tend to overlook ideas that can bring about my end goal. My ultimate dream is to be a positive network in many ways for autistic teens and adults. I have a plan… although I don’t share it with many… I work every day to achieve the goals I have set. I go through many ideas daily to help me try to achieve mine and Peyton goal of Turning Autism into Awesomism. I know what my end goal is… what I struggle with is how to get there. My conversation today was awesome because he doesn’t offer advice how to get there… he offers perspectives on why my end goal is so important.

I came away from our call energetic, as well a new vision of how I need to achieve my end goal.  Friendships are give and take and sometimes the person doing the giving may not even realize how much they actually gave. I know my friend reads my blog and I know when he reads this he will realize this is about him. I’m thankful for his friendship, but more importantly I’m thankful for his perspective! Sending him a big hug!

 

Is it really “Social” Part 1

   I read an article the other day that talked about how spending too much time on “Social media” can lead to depression…..this got me thinking about so many situations, frustrations, good times etc…. All attached to social media…This blog is going to be a 2 part. In part one I’m going to discuss 2 points that I don’t think are often discussed when online bullying is brought up. Second blog will be the positive sides to social media!

First let’s explore the negatives, I like ending on a positive note! ….there is the obvious the “cyber bullying” most people I talk to at one time or another have been a victim of bullying online. It’s sad and seems to be getting worse. This is real concern for me with Peyton, while I don’t excuse any bullying, I know kids, especially special needs kids, can have the hardest time dealing with bullies. Everyone always makes the comment…bullies are just insecure people…yes we know this..but it doesn’t make the hurt and pain less. I have found that many of the bullies are also people who tend to live in a delusional world. I have seen people who were bullies online, also have truly “online fantasy lives” They live on estates, they drive mid 6 figure cars, they own stables of horses, have/had unbelievable careers, are experts on EVERY subject etc….most people just chuckle and laugh at these people. I view it a bit different, as I have also seen many of these people be some of the biggest online bullies. My theory on it is, they are so unhappy they have to make up the “perfect” life and are afraid of exposure. While most of us know to ignore or just be amused by these people, many special needs kids and adults will take them at face value. Ask questions etc…this can and many times does unleash bullies to attack…I wish when people see bullies they would speak up, block and show support for the person who is being bullied. Since many of the bullies have built their “online lives” on fantasy, having reality called out on them may result in either they leave social media or stop.

Another group that I haven’t quite figured out is those who nonstop tweet at someone..it can be a celebrity, athlete etc…. Most of the time they get next to no response from the person, yet they seem to need this attention. It’s not only odd to me, it’s frustrating. I have a couple of thoughts..one, why not spend that time and or energy supporting a “cause” and help get the word out instead of bordering on cyberstalking. These people also many times bully others who do happen to tweet that the same person, as they seem to feel they “own” this persons time…I feel bad for people on the receiving end of the tweets as well. Many times they want to interact with many people,but that can almost be impossible. I’ve seen autistic teens and adults tweet at “celebrities” and then get bullied for doing so.. this really bothers me. I’ve actually gotten involved to show support.

I’ve heard people say, then just get off of social media… but I don’t think that’s the solution. Sometimes it’s a valuable outlet for people. Not only from a business  standpoint, but also an outlet for some who don’t have much outlet. Such as special needs, elderly etc…. I think the solution should involve in not giving bullies a platform. If people would block, unfollow or even call out bullies maybe it can make a difference. In my blog next week, I’ll discuss the positives to social media. There are so many positive things, sometimes they just seem to be outweighed by the negatives.

Find your Inner strength

I have been asked many times, how I dealt with being a single parent of four, especially since one is autistic and one has Marfans. My response is pretty much the same every time…I didn’t have a Choice. I love my kids with all my heart, and want what is best for them. To me, I honestly felt like it was what it was and no crying, whining etc… Was ever going to change it. This doesn’t mean I didn’t have really rough patches, I did. I also knew it was on my shoulders to be my kid’s parent. Life is made up of a series of events both positive and negative and how we deal with them and learn from them is what will determine what our future will be. I’ve seen too many people who love the “drama” in their life, in fact some even invite it. They don’t really want solutions, they want bandages . I know at times I have been guilty of not facing an issue head on at the start, and then having to deal with more in the end to fix the issue. When I do this I get really frustrated with myself. I know for a fact I am harder on my self than anyone else could ever be. I can be a terrible procrastinator , that is by far one of my worst traits. It is something I need to work on. The funny thing is I either procrastinate or go like a hundred miles an hour to get things done. I know I tend to put things off when I am super stressed, it’s like I can’t add one more thing to my plate.

I do see some of these traits in Peyton, and I am trying to work with him to handle his stresses, which aren’t always easy for him. Peyton has a very sweet nature and it really hurts me to see him stressed and hurting. Simple tasks sometimes can be overwhelming for him. It’s very frustrating for him, especially when he’s done the task before without issue. He knows he can do it, but it’s like his brain tells him no. My heart breaks when I see him cry out of frustration. I try very hard as his mom to encourage him and be a cheerleader, and  at the same time that I guide him through his stressful situation. Peyton and I talk about his “inner strength” and how he needs to try to stay calm and overcome life’s issues. Life isn’t easy for most of us, we all have obstacles we face. Difference is many of us have solutions that can solve the issues, and then we can move on. Peyton faces obstacles everyday and yet he next to never complains. So forgive me if I lose my patience with those who invite and enjoy the drama. If Peyton can deal with everything life throws at him by digging into his “inner strength” so can most of us!

 

Reflect Not Deflect

Sunday night in the middle of the night my oldest son started texting me, I kept hearing Luke Combs text tone over and over. You see I have one of his ringtones attached to my son’s number. Luke is my favorite country singer and my son reminds me of him. As much as I love hearing Luke’s songs, I wasn’t happy that my son was texting over and over so late. I grabbed my phone to see what was so important. Of course as soon as I read his texts, my heart broke. He was letting me know about the senseless murder of people at a Country Music fest, which Luke Combs actually happened to be performing at.I thought to myself once again Hate rears it’s despicable head. I started watching the news and looking on social media, another coward had decided to shoot innocent people. I will never understand how people can be so full of hate.
I felt so helpless and full of hurt as I watched the footage. I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I laid in bed watching classic TV to try to calm down. I knew I was going to need to talk with Peyton when he woke up, about once again about how evil people can be. I feel like I am always having this discussion. We have talked with him about bullies and people who choose to deflect their issues rather than reflect, but mass shootings aren’t easy to explain. Peyton is very sweet and gentle and doesn’t understand why people are so mean.
I really don’t have words for this latest display of hateful violence. Daily I see people attacking each other on twitter because they disagree. I started calling it slanderous bullying. Peyton has asked me several times why people have to be so mean just because they don’t like who someone voted for. I’ve tried to explain to him that many times people take it as a personal attack against their views,rather than everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I really am on my last nerve with some of the offensive & slanderous “name tags” being put on people.
It’s a bit puzzling to me how people can sit on social media and name call, finger point and make “threats” then say they disdain bullies. This justification of anything goes because someone else said something you disagree with HAS TO STOP! My prayer and hope is that people look inside of themselves instead of deflect. We can’t control what others say & do, but we can control ourselves. If we choose to not play the game of verbal violence, maybe just maybe others will stop as well. Let’s all make a vow to tone down the rhetoric. While words are only words, they can lead to more.

I hope we can return good for evil, reflect not deflect, open our hearts and minds, disagree with respect and support causes not agendas! While this won’t stop evil, it’s a great start and we need to start somewhere because if we don’t I am not sure what will happen.